In response to the Discover prompt Designed for You
Made just for you.
I remember the day clearly, Sunday September 5th 1993, 7:43am. Why do I remember it so well? Because it’s etched in my memory as the day I made one of the biggest fuck ups of my life.
I’d been living with my boyfriend of the time for nearly 3 years, we’d passed the honeymoon phase and we were heading down the path of co-habiting rather than sharing a romantic abode. I loved him dearly, I thought he loved me dearly, it’s just that we’d stopped having fun.
After a particularly rough night of sleeping, non-sleeping might be a better term for it, I was awoken at 7:42am by Jeremy standing on my side of the bed completely naked. His raging hard on was standing proud and had a big red bow wrapped around the circumcised tip.
“Morning baby, I made this just for you.” he said as he stood with his hands locked behind his head swinging his hips toward me.
Not really in the mood for sex, but also not realising we’d lost the ability to throw little insulting ribs at each other at some point in the 6 months prior I replied with.
“Have you got something bigger?”
Well I got my wish, I didn’t have to have early morning Sunday wake up sex. Unfortunately I also spent the morning watching Jeremy leave my life.
I was heartbroken. I tried to apologise but apparently “Honey, I’m sorry I wasn’t wearing my glasses.” wasn’t an acceptable apology.
I tried to beg forgiveness, although looking back now I can see that I didn’t try that hard because I thought we were still solid.
I even offered him the sex he started the morning hoping for but nothing worked.
Don’t get me wrong 23 years later I’m not complaining about my life as it is now, I’ve had a few relationships but none of them have been anywhere near what I had with Jeremy. I don’t live my life regretting that I didn’t repair my life with Jermey but I do wish I’d tried harder.
Lets face it it’s the fuck ups that hurt the most, whether they are done to us or we do them to others that we rarely forget and I’ll never forget the words, “I made this just for you.”