True Friends

Is there such a thing as a true friend?
I hear people talk about true friends all the time.
And while I once thought I had a group of true friends around me it wasn’t until we started to grow up and create our own lives that I realised the true friendships I thought I had created were little more than people who got together and talked about stuff that suited them at the time.
The failings weren’t all theirs, I can admit that now, but at the time it was a different story, I blamed them for everything.
For a while I thought my husband was my one true friend.
Then when the kids arrived I knew I could be their friend as well as their mother.
Sadly for me the world had other ideas as my brain slowly but surely tried to make me self destruct.
My thoughts became even more self centred, even when I tried to convince myself that I was thinking of others the thoughts were based around me.
What I didn’t realise was that others could see this happening.
Whether them telling me they could see this at the time would have changed anything is debatable, I didn’t want to be told anything. I thought I was right, why would I want to change?
When I finally decided I no longer wanted any true friends and that mum and the kids were all I needed I threw the one true friend aside. To his credit, he didn’t want to go, he wanted to stay and work through things, but my brain had made up his mind for him.
I can admit now that although the friendship seemed strained, there is always two sides to every story and me refusing to see both sides was as silly as me deciding to throw away the one true friend I had.
So it was goodbye husband hello mum make room for me and the kids. I still had three friends left, I was doing ok. Wasn’t I?
There is an age old saying parents often use about not being friends to their kids but being their parent, but the truth is most of us really do want to be both. The problem I suffered was that my kids didn’t want me to be either.
It’s at the moment you realise your own kids barely want to be your acquaintance that you suddenly realise that friendship is suddenly so important.
Personally I’d love to sit here and blame someone else. Love to say that the problem is those around me not understanding me, not being able to give me what I wanted, but the truth is, the problem was mine. I refused to admit to myself that I was as much the problem as I thought everyone else was.
After all this time I can say there has been improvement. My head has changed, my brain has changed and my life is very very slowly changing. One out of three of those friendships I once thought were true has a massive bandage over it which in time might be removed but the other two, the two I thought could never be broken have cracks so wide that there is no bandage big enough to bridge the gap. I’ll keep trying. I’ll keep slogging on, because that’s what mums and wives, (even separated wives) do because after more than 10 years I finally realise that this is what I wanted all along. But mostly because I think I deserve to have true friends as well.

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2 comments

  1. Thanks for sharing, learning and accepting blame and responsibility is hard to do. I prefer a few good friends to a bunch of acquaintances any day. A true friend doesn’t care what you wear, how much you weigh or what job you have. They stick with you no matter what. True friends are hard to find and are rare, I have one and cherish her. Yes losing someone that you thought to be a true friend hurts, you’re not alone on that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The worst part about losing someone is realising later that you didn’t really want to lose them in the first place and that your brain was giving you bad advice. It’s like having a year long mental block writing your best selling novel only to realise someone else had the same idea and finished it before you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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