Is Silence really golden?
I used to think silence was great I used to shut my mouth, shut my mind and shut the rest of the world out. What it did take me time to realise was that silence can also be bad. Let me explain a few examples of both.
I used to like shutting out everyone and sitting in silence and I still do, but I now realise that shutting out my family was a bad thing, not because I did it but because I did it too often. I thought I was there for them, I thought the fact that when the kids were young and they came rushing to me with their hurties it meant they knew I was there for them. From and early age my kids knew not to interrupt mum while she was sitting on the couch with a coffee and her television shows or her weekly trash magazines (not what we called them back then).
What I didn’t realise was that I was so often sitting in my own silent world that I would often not hear them until they were hurt, or I’d react angrily to them bringing me out of my own world. Their silence on the matter had me convinced there was nothing wrong, but of course they were only kids, how did they know they needed to break the silence if I didn’t see it myself?
There was a similar silence between me and my husband at the time, he didn’t often need a cuddle from hurties but we still forgot to talk, which was a big downfall in our relationship but there was another silence which was an even bigger issue. The silence between us in bed.
(Authors note after the fact: ok this got a bit more adult orientated than I first though but I decided to keep it in anyway, people already know I can write dirty stuff, some are even requesting more, but this post isn’t about that 🙂 )
Don’t get me wrong we had some great times in bed, he could make me cum like no other guy I’d ever been with, but during those last few years there was times where he would almost remain silent through out the entire act. It wasn’t every time but the times it did happen meant that I was more likely to stretch out the time between sex further as a form of pay back. Again there was something I wasn’t realising at the time, whether it’s because I didn’t want to or couldn’t see it I’m not sure but it was there. That something? The fact that I was doing exactly the same thing and at the time it wasn’t because I was thinking about leaving him, back then I was happily married.
Again don’t get me wrong it wasn’t a one sided affair, when he wouldn’t talk, I wouldn’t talk, when I wouldn’t talk, he wouldn’t talk and we pretty much just fell into Wham Bam thank you maam. There was times were we still had great sex and there was times were we both had average sex. But I remained too focused on his bad performance to accept the fact that it was actually both of us and that more often than not the only thing we needed to do to ensure that spark was there was stop being silent. It’s amazing how much difference even a moan or groan can actually make.
The good silence in that situation would have been the silence of laying together after the act, even if the result was average, but we’d both spent so long jumping and running so as not to be caught by the kids that neither of us bothered to ask if the other wanted a cuddle after the act. Apparently we both did and while he later admitted he knew I liked such things he also admitted that by the time his preference had changed and he really wanted to cuddle after sex I was too caught up in myself to bother to ask him and I just assumed he didn’t and would often roll over and turn my back to him.
The silence of an empty house is also good and bad. Good because it gives me a time to think (which can also be bad), good because it means I can do what ever I like without interruption or having to worry about others and good because sometimes silence is what we all need.
But it can also be bad. For instance, the day my husband left, even though he didn’t take the kids at the time, because they weren’t home, the silence after him leaving was not only deafening it was also painful and at the time it was me who wanted him to leave, he wanted to stay and work things out.
Another good and bad silence. The silence that follows the first time someone tells you that you need to get your head out of your own arse and realise that at least half the problems in your own world are because of you not those around you. It’s a bad silence because you suddenly realise you’re not the only one in your world but if you choose it to be it can be good because you can take heed and actually do something about it.
Still the best silence is the silence you get when you finally wind down and go to bed. If you can reach that silence and your sleep is a good one it at least gives you chance to think about the other silences with a clearer head.